TRYING HARDER CAN KILL YOU.
The spring is very mellow this year in the desert of Southern Nevada. Everyone is marveling at this slow-paced rising of outside temps at the end of April. It feels as comfortable as being in the air-conditioned room in the summer.
To bring the rare luxury of a natural air inside, I open the patio doors. At some point I can hear bumping sounds of an insect hitting the glass of the window in my office. It’s a fly. It came in through the door and now is beating its head against the window pane with intention to get through to another side.
I watch as the fly intensifies its efforts to get onto desired destination of freedom and leisure. It has determination and a heroic will to achieve its goal.
I can almost feel its throbbing wings generating sufficient force of propulsion to bring it wherever fly would decide to go.
Except that where it choose to go was completely erroneous. There is a completely open door across the room that would require nothing exceptional from the fly except its natural ability to float in the air.
But the fly insists on the inaccurately chosen way of getting the sweet freedom it desperately desires.
It would be easy to predict that the harder fly tries to reach its goal doing the same thing, the sooner it might die. Yet the open door is only few feet away.
I felt curiously stunned by the apparent simplicity of this metaphor — trying harder what doesn’t work can actually kill you!
I immediately saw applications of this spontaneous natural lesson and wanted to take advantage of all possible layers of meaning in it.
How could it be scaled up for the application in human life?
Well, most of us don’t try to go outside through the closed glass windows, except maybe when inebriated.
Nevertheless we might find ourselves following the same logic on a very different level.
Trying harder.
Why trying harder will not work?
The fly doesn’t perceive a nearly invisible glass barrier separating it from a huge space of fun joyflights.
We all have a secret ideal of how we would like to live our lives. Even if it is not a fully scripted scenario, we instinctively recognize what we would like to have more, and what less.
And this instinct leads us exactly in this precarious situation. We are propelled by this instinct to react to life sporadically, out of fear of uncertainty, envy and impatience.
We look outside of ourselves and see what looks good to us, thinking that “If I only get that, everything will be better”. And we charge like a bull-raged fly, only to hit invisible barrier.
We accelerate our external actions, just like the fly buzzing its wings and we go after that which looks promising to give us meaning, only to have our impulses smashed up against invisible blockade of transparent glass.
WHEN WE THINK OF TRYING HARDER, WE BETTER BE FREE FROM INVISIBLE BARRIERS.
- Not knowing where we are.
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In other words we are not clear what is really meaningful and important to you uniquely. When we don’t know what is the most meaningful desire in our heart, our instinct will make us move in circles.
If we feel an immense dissatisfaction in our life, but avoid actually looking at what it represents, we tend to panic and impulsively run for the most obvious shortcut.
- We don’t believe in what we do. We are internally divided.
Lets take an example if we are having a grand idea of writing a book, but we are afraid of being rejected, criticized or dealt a harsh feedback. In this case we might be putting up a lot of energy in the most obvious ways on prominent tasks, but sabotage our efforts through procrastination, internal negative self-talk and time mismanagement to stay protected from imagined negative reality.
- We try harder not out of love for what you do, but competition.
We will be banging our head against the invisible barrier when we are prompted to act out of jealousy and envy, but not out of our heart’s desire. When we see what others creating and try to copy that instead of developing unique expression of our passion, our deep love for something.
- We are preoccupied with survival.
We are trying to “get” instead of to “give”. When we want to thrive in freedom and fulfillment, but our inner belief is all about surviving, we’re going to encounter an invisible obstacle. All our decisions will be dictated by the need to “survive” and to satisfy our perceived inner deficiency. Neglecting the truth that only when we begin to align our passion, talents and abilities to the service of others, we begin to thrive and our life begins to grow.
- We indiscriminately follow outside influences.
If we have never been taught that we co-create our life through continual intertwining of our inner beliefs, choices and external influences, then it could be a huge factor that precludes us from living a life of graceful flow. We don’t know what we are choosing.
If not aware of the influences of surrounding conditions that include chaotic environment, relationships, ideologies, tv, broadcast media marketing and advertising, we will be going at the invisible barrier of “urgent need” from the outside that prevents us from creating authentic life of well-being, meaning and fulfillment.
Just as the fly that soon will be laying down on the ground killed by its epic efforts, many of us assumed that trying harder is the answer to achieving satisfying life.
When trying harder doesn’t work, step back and look at all other possible ways, including re-examining that which might look like an attractive goal to us. Know why.
Start changing something.
- Hire a trusted coach, or a mentor to help you detect your barriers.
- Invest time and energy to find out what is really meaningful for you.
- Take a new angle on the idea. Step back to see a bigger picture. Create a Life Vision.
- Consider changing profession.
- Look at your relationship if it stifles your growth.
- Move to another city.
- Seek out a vibrant community that can give you support and a feedback.